Namely, in yet another Mic's Tape exclusive, we've learned that the DSM-V (expected release date: May 2012) may include so-called "Soda Point Induced Neurosis" (aka SPIN). According to an anonymous email (signed, "A disgruntled former assistant to then-APA President Dr. Steven Sharfstein"), SPIN is characterized first and foremost by the "compulsive hoarding of soft drink bottle caps".The email, which we received yesterday, went on to read: "To be diagnosed with SPIN, the patient must meet at least four of the following criteria during the same 2-week period, which must include (1) and (2)":
(1) Moderate to severe interest in at least one of the following:So, is SPIN really destined for the DSM-V? Or is our source for this story suffering from some kind of caffeine-induced psychosis? Only time will tell.(2) The patience to redeem 10 to 12-digit nonsense codes via manual online entry
- Free music, movies, and electronics
- Free sweepstakes entries
- Becoming a walking billboard for Coca-Cola and/or its corporate partners
(3) Continued hoarding despite embarrassing social/interpersonal consequences (e.g., being spotted by a co-worker while removing a Diet Pepsi Max bottle from a trash can)
(4) Recurrent hoarding despite future dental ramifications for self or loved ones (e.g., unintentionally enabling girlfriend's formerly under-control pop addiction)
(5) Brazen disregard for potential legal repurcussions (e.g., unlawful removal of empty cardboard 12-pack containers from local recycling facility)
(6) Diminished ability to make rational decisions (e.g., buying Pepsi instead of Cherry Coke—even though the latter's on sale and you like its taste better—because you're "one point away from that hot new David Archuleta download").
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6 comments:
Another sign of a the onset of a mental disorder for Gustaf and Co. is that there have been two posts in less than two weeks. Caffeine induced manic writing syndrome for sure.
Here's another one...Blatent disregard for the spread of unnecessary GERMS from trash to bottle to girlfriend's car. :-)
Don't worry, on the positive side, recycling has gone way up in IC due to your hoarding efforts!
I think the last comment should be disregarded... there is no way someone with these hoarding tendencies could have a girlfriend, let alone a girlfriend WITH a car.
So... let's say, hypothetically, someone you know (not really because this is all imaginary, see) regularly recycled bottles with these kinds of caps... so... what would you think about that?
Why are there no pictures of Jennifer Love-Hewitt in this post? I thought that was the new direction of this blog. Give me celebrities, dammit!
I have had occasion to buy diet pepsi "NFL kickoff" in lieu of regular, entirely because of the double-points. I'm one track away from compiling Paul Simon's now-out-of-print, late-70s collection "Greatest Hits, Etc." There must be at least 50 ways this disorder can manifest itself.
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