The Soiled Fruits of Conscience

So, feeling particularly inspired by Gustaf’s recent post on "brain food", I decided to buy some antioxidant-laden berries during a recent trip to the food store on Tuesday night. (Yeah, that’s right, I called it a “food store”—do you wanna fight about it?) Anyway, lo and behold, there they were: blackberries, on sale for $1.99. I picked up a carton, sized it up, liked what I saw, and nonchalantly placed it into my grocery cart (into the upper "basket" area by the handle). But alas, it seems my placement was a little too nonchalant as the carton immediately fell out the back of the cart and onto the floor:
Upon impact, the carton popped open, berries flew everywhere, pandemonium ensued. My 1st reaction was to giggle and look around nervously to see if there were any witnesses (there weren't). My 2nd reaction was to realize I had quite the crisis of conscience on my hands. I could...

a) Put a canvas bag over my head and run out of the store with identity concealed and dignity intact.
b) Grab a new container and continue shopping as if the whole thing never happened only to become wracked with guilt a few minutes later when a voice got on the PA to request "cleanup in produce".
c) Go ask the high school kid working at the deli what I should do, and be told: "Screw 'em, man, s*** happens".
d) Get on my knees, put the fallen berries back in the carton, buy them, wash them ridiculously thoroughly with water, and eat them.

Which option do you think I chose? What would you have done?

Feed Your Mind

I'm not quite sure what caused it (that recent brain MRI, undergone for a research study, which revealed an unexpectedly noticeable degree of CSF in my parietal lobe, perhaps?), but I've lately developed an obsession with eating (and cooking) in a brain-friendlier fashion.

My newfound neural neurosis might also stem, in part, from a research article I read not long ago that discussed the profound effects of malnutrition on the human brain. The study, which used MRI to assess the brains of acutely ill anorexia patients both before and after inpatient hospitalization, reported that brain matter actually atrophies in tandem with starvation-induced weight loss. Fortunately, this (and other) research also suggests that the brain can "grow back", at least in part, with proper weight restoration.

Cerebral sustenance
Whereas the above article offers a more drastic example of how food and nutrients (or the lack thereof) can affect the brain, a July 2008 Economist article discusses subtler, yet more universally applicable, evidence of this phenomenon. Titled "Food for thought", the piece offers various tips on how to "eat your way to a better brain", citing many foods known to enhance learning, improve memory, and protect again age-related cognitive decline.

Such foods include those rich in: omega-3 oils (e.g., salmon, kiwi, walnuts); folic acid (spinach, beans); and antioxidants such as Vitamin C (berries, citrus), Vitamin E (almonds, avocado, vegetable oils), and flavanoids (tea, dark chocolate, red wine). For more details, including a "Brain Food" menu for the entire day, check out the Economist article here.

Crime and Matrimony

What follows is perhaps the final chapter in the bildungsroman of a protagonist formerly cloaked under the moniker of a "certain (unnamed) member of brumpelstiltskin"; who I'd intended to refer to herein as Mikhail Fyodorovich Brumbelmazov; but who, since he recently chose to reveal his true identity, I shall begrudgingly refer to sans nom de plume as Mike-Michael.

But before I do any such thing, I must first digress into a brief discussion of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. Said novel begins with its main character, Raskolnikov, contemplating the following plan: entering the apartment of an unattractive, loathsome, disgusting, miserly, wicked, old "crone" of a woman (a pawnbroker by trade); divorcing her from existence (i.e., murdering her); stealing her money and other valuable pawned items (e.g., jewelry); and then redistributing said riches to the poor.

During this stage of premeditation, Raskolnikov reflects on why most crimes are so easily solved, and decides it is because the perpetrator "experiences at the moment of the crime a sort of failure of will and reason, which, on the contrary, are replaced by a phenomenal, childish thoughtlessness, just at the moment when reason and prudence are most necessary". In contrast, Raskolnikov considers himself a cut above the common criminal, and thus immune to such weak-kneed witlessness.

But in the heat of the moment, when Raskolnikov finally carries out this act, his once-steely self-assurance melts away:

A dark, tormenting thought [rose] in him—the thought that he had fallen into madness and was unable at that moment either to reason or to protect himself, and that he was perhaps not doing at all what he should have been doing ... 'My God! I must run, run away!'

With that said, I now return to our main character, Mike-Michael, who, not two months ago, found himself contemplating this plan: entering the apartment of a beautiful, lovable, charming, giving, angelic, young "gem" of a woman (a social worker by trade)—not with the intent of murder, to be sure, but certainly with an "M" word in mind—and temporarily stealing a specific, rather invaluable article of jewelry (a ring).

Much like Raskolnikov, as Mike-Michael entered the scene of his crime, he felt presumptuously, even arrogantly, confident not only in the inevitable success of his venture, but also in the careful and collected precision with which he would execute it. But also like Raskolnikov, Mike-Michael's aplomb and self-assurance would prove short-lived.

No sooner had he entered the apartment—by means of a spare key he'd cunningly secured beforehand—than a pang of tormenting questions struck his senses: Was the door deadbolted when he arrived, or had he only unlocked the knob? Which way should he lock it upon departing? What if he guessed wrong? How could he make such a crass mistake‽

From there a virtual deluge of doubts poured forth: Had he wiped his boots well enough? What if he left behind incriminating footprints? Where was the jewelry box? What if she noticed that a ring was missing from it? What if the cat noticed that a ring was missing from it? Why was he acting like a thoughtless child? Where had his reason gone? Should he run away?

Fortunately, and somewhat miraculously, our "hero" was able to pull himself together and pull off the heist undetected. But alas, it would all be for naught. For just as Raskolnikov's crime proved to be in vain—he ended up burying his stolen goods in a courtyard rather than selling them off to benefit the poor—so too did Mike-Michael's crime fail to serve its intended purpose.

Namely, later that evening, when he placed the ring atop a glass counter and triumphantly stated, "I think this should answer the question at hand," his jeweler gave it a quick examination before very politely and delicately inquiring: "Do you happen to know what hand she wears this on? Or which finger? One of her...thumbs, perhaps?"

Indeed, it was a thumb ring he had stolen. But by the grace of Don, he still managed to secure the right-sized ring. And by the grace of God, when he presented this ring—a new ring—to her, she said "Yes".

In other words, Mike-Michael is engaged.