Drinking coffee laced with vodka. Transferring to the University of Wisconsin. Throwing (and breaking) desk chairs against the dorm room wall. Spraying me in the face with a water bottle. Clawing my flesh.The above actions have one thing in common: all were performed by various roommates I lived with in college (one of whom, I should mention, was a cat). Moreover, they were all arguably (and one undeniably) linked to the same precipitating factor: their roommate’s inability to get himself out of bed in the morning.
I was a snoozer all right, a snoozer who snoozed ad snoreum. But that was before I met the “Shake Awake” vibrating alarm clock.
Imagine, if you will, the faultless design of a lovable 1x4x3 inch alarm that nestles inconspicuously beneath your pillow while you sleep and dependably wakes you each morning; not with maddening, ear-piercing shrieks of sounds, but with firm yet impeccably gentle nudges of vibration. Minus a lover or pet, does a more appealing bed partner exist? I think not. And this one only costs ~ $30!
I’m not saying the Shake Awake is perfect; I’m just saying I haven’t seen any evidence to prove that it isn’t. Sure, there are some muckrakers out there who’ll try to tell you differently. Like John Crooks, a UK man who, in a recent interview with the Formby Times, whined and opined that his “Shake Awake alarm only worked if [he] didn't move [his] head off the pillow at night.” First off, who’s gonna trust someone with that dishonest of a surname? Secondly, even if this obvious slander were true, is it the Shake Awake's fault that Mr Crooks can't keep still at night?
Some people say I’m defensive about the Shake Awake, but they’re wrong (and witless). If anything, my behavior is offensive. Can I help it that I’m passionate about feeling the vibration, and that I’m ready to get aggressive so that others can wake up to this sweet sensation, too? In other words, as Marky Mark (Wahlberg) so funkily (and prophetically) once put it:
Vibrations good like Sunkist / Many wanna know who done this
[Shake Awake] and I'm here to move you / [3000 dimes] will groove you
And I'm here to prove to you / That we can [wake up] on the positive side
And pump positive vibes / So come along for the ride
Making you feel the rhythm is my occupation / So feel the vibration!
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3 comments:
As long as that alarm stays only under your pillow, I think it sounds great. Just remember to keep the thing well juiced with batteries. (or HGH if your Gabe)
Yeah, does it have to be under the pillow? Could you store it elsewhere during the night and start your day with an ending... of the happy variety?
1: coffee and vodka (aka cofka) is a fine treat, one which I am enjoying currently.
2: you asked for the flesh clawing - you forgave me, remember?
3: follow the money trail... don't be surprised if Shake Awake and brumplestiltskin (if that is your REAL name) are in bed together. I mean, I know they're in bed together, but what I mean to say is if the company and this guy are in bed together. I mean, not like the whole company, like they are paying him for this shill job. Dig?
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